Author: Cakewelder

It was Monday, February 1st. 2021 and I decided to “choose my own adventure” at my local Wal-Mart in the great United States of America. I headed straight for the pharmacy as there was only one other person in line. I stood in line on the second blue social distancing marker and looked around, enjoying the sights and sounds of Wal-Mart. A motion caught my eye, and I glanced towards the main entrance approximately 25’ away from where I was standing on the dot. I saw a short man motioning with both hands frantically and repeatedly as if to say he was thirsty and wanted to pick up a half of a coconut from an invisible table and drink the pulpy milk from it…only he had a mask on, so logically I knew he could not possibly be miming drinking.

“Where’s your mask?!” the short man hollered like a banshee, after making the coconut motion several more times.

(I was correct, I thought victoriously! He was NOT thirsty!)

“This is America, sir,” I clearly and loudly replied, standing up ever so much straighter.

He mumbled and walked out of my line of sight. I continued to wait patiently for my turn at the pharmacy, laughingly reminding myself to STAY ON MY DOT!

I kept an alert eye all around and a minute later spotted the masked short man approaching. “I hope you get it and die,” he spat heavily into his (insert team logo here) mask. I raised my eyebrows a bit and gave a half-smile before replying, “Well, aren’t you a peach,” in my slowest drawl possible. As he walked away, I spoke towards his retreating back: “Jesus loves you,” With that I turned around and found that the time had passed most pleasingly, and that it was now my turn to step up to the first blue dot on the floor at the Walmart pharmacy.

Hmmmm… I thought to myself as I walked up to the counter smiling, I’ll bet he would be a nice guy if it weren’t for hissed death wishes upon random friendly strangers.